Battling the Monster
I’m walking on a lonely road. Or so it feels that way. It can be difficult to maintain that elusive, and not so little thing, called motivation. Last week, I had enough motivation for an army. Today, I considered getting out of bed an accomplishment. I blame it on Present Monster Syndrome (PMS).
I’m not sure who I am today. Last week, I was motivated, strong, determined, and positive. This week, I’m on edge, grumpy, and feel like I could toss a truck in the Baskin Robbins window with all this unexplained rage. Garbage Girl wants to play and I’m trying to keep cool. It’s hard when I feel like I’m a bottle of Coke whose been tossed in the dryer. Not only that but I could drown myself (and anyone who crosses my path) in peanut butter. I keep opening my pantry door and staring for MINUTES at the jars of tomatoe sauce, artichokes, tuna, green chillies and hoping that a bag of Cheetos will magically appear. I’ve never loved veggies but today I mock them. Eat broccoli? (Cackles wildly).
Why? Why? Why? (Hits desk.) Why does this need to be so hard? People loooove to say “everything in moderation”. If not you’ll go crazy and eat everything in sight they say. Whatever. I could eat everything in moderation (which is relative anyway) and never have lost a pound and then Present Monster Syndrome would hit and I’d still eat everything in sight on top of all the junk I ate the previous 3 weeks in moderation. Hooey. That’s what I did for years. This is hormones. And I’m not sure what to do about them. I asked my husband if he would just lock me up in a cage and slip me bowls of clean food for a week. I think we’d both be better off.
Emotionally, some months are worse and this one falls into the “worse” category.
So what do I do? I keep exercising even though I don’t want to because it does help. I keep doing my best to eat clean because I feel better. I eat a lot of pickles and soy sauce instead of Doritos. Five pounds of water weight is easier to lose than five pounds of Dorito weight. I try to remember that I’ll feel better in a week. I readjust my goals. My goal this week is not to lose a pound but to stay the same. So what if I’m two pounds heavier come competition day as long as I’ve lost I’ve still won. Lastly, I seek or give forgiveness and pray that this monster will go back into the closest soon. Someday I’m going to find the key and lock that damn closet door for good.
Hugs and High Fives,