Today is the first morning I’ve felt “normal” since last Wednesday. At least as normal as I can feel when I’ve got the present monster scratching at the door. My head is finally starting to clear after the 2 day carb fest. I did my best to get back on plan yesterday although I had almond butter for lunch. Yes just almond butter. Later for my afternoon snack I had a few handfuls of raw mixed nuts. I swear if it’s not one struggle it’s another. I overcame my sugar sugar addiction a year and a half ago. Now all I want is NUTS or NUT BUTTERS. I must be part squirrel. It’s ridiculous. Out of frustration at my lack of self-control, I promised my husband I would tell him before I eat any peanut or almond butter. Sort of silly but I’m the kind of person who hates to break a promise so I know it will work. Maybe I should go out and buy some cashew butter because I didn’t promise I wouldn’t eat that without telling.
I wonder what the next food struggle will be once I tame the squirrel in me? I just bought some nutritional yeast so I can sprinkle it over my stove popped popcorn so it’s possible that will be my next challenge. Watch out Orville Redenbacher. You may not be the king of popcorn for long. At some point, I’ve got to run out of food struggles. Or maybe they will keep running through cycles. Next month all I’ll want is dried fruit. Then the following month it will be oatmeal. (Yes, I’ve binged on oatmeal before. I’m that pathetic.) I may be kicking and screaming but I’m slowly accepting that this might always be a challenge. Maybe I’ll always want portions the size of my head instead of my hand. I’ve always so badly wanted to be the girl with the turbo charged metabolism who could eat 50 times her body weight in calories and not gain an ounce. That’s not me. But I refuse to cut everything that’s a struggle out of my diet. I really don’t want to eat just vegetables and meat besides nuts are good for you. Just not a jar at a time. As much as I dislike having to battle for self-control with food portions I think it makes me a better person. At least a less gluttonous one.
This is me now. I love Costco’s organic natural peanut butter.
But inside inside I’m trying to find the determination of super squirrel.