Big News and Body Image
So here’s our big news…
We are going to ALASKA!!!
We are not just going to Alaska we are making it an epic road trip of 6000 miles from Key West to Alaska. I’m so excited! Alaska has been on our dream list since we left but until now we’ve only talked about it. Honestly, driving the Alaskan highway seemed a little scary to me. I’ve heard it can be very remote at places. What if we run out of gas? What if we are in an accident and there isn’t reception? What if? What if? What if? But after seeing the 48 states we knew it was time to set those “what ifs” aside and make our dream a reality so here we go!
Go RVing is partnering with us on the trip so I’ll be sharing our weekly update on their blog. Our first week in Key West was posted this week. I’ll certainly be sharing parts of it here too but if you are interested in the details beyond food and fitness check out my posts on the Go RVing blog. Or you can like Newschool Nomads on Facebook. I post photos daily and share the Go RVing posts.
So going to Alaska means I get to film my 49th kettlebell workout. Filming another kettlebell workout also means I need to deal with some body image stuff.
It’s been 8 weeks since Thing 3 was born and my body is nowhere near where it was and to tell you the truth I have mixed feelings about it.
Don’t Care Days
Much of the time, I really don’t care.
Truly don’t care. It’s quite freeing.
(Although to be honest, most days my hair is a mess and I don’t brush my teeth until noon so maybe I’m just “letting myself go” in the name of freedom!)
I even have this vision of myself that’s smaller than reality. For instance, the other day I went shopping and I grabbed a few pairs of shorts that by looking at them I was SURE they were going to fit. Into the dressing room I went and was shocked that I couldn’t get them up over my thighs. I had to get two sizes bigger than what I thought.
Here’s the really good part.
I mentally shrugged my shoulders and felt nothing.
There was no emotional low afterwards because my self worth was not attached to my size. Grabbing a different size of short was like deciding a different color would look better.
It’s a sign I have either come a long way in regards to body image or I’m just too dang tired to care. Probably a bit of both.
Do Care Days
Then there are days when I button up my pants and notice my tummy pushing out and over the waistband and think, I really need to start working out again and maybe I shouldn’t have eaten those three heaping spoonfuls of almond butter.
And the tone I’m using with myself may not be so nice.
Then I think of filming my Alaska workout and feel a little horrified imagining how much my butt is going to jiggle when I do swings.
Images of all these other fit bloggers fill my mind with self doubt.
I remind myself….
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Attributed to Theodore Roosevelt
…and I move on.
When we first hit the road, I had all these grand ideas of filming a workout in every state with a six pack. Months before we left I thought I’ll get my six pack back but as our departure date grew close I didn’t get any leaner.
Once we hit the road, I still didn’t get leaner. In fact, I started to gain weight especially when I added sugar back into my diet. I decided I would rather indulge in the unique culinary experiences to be had all over the country than to chase after a body type that would require huge amounts of discipline. (Side note: I don’t see anything wrong with having this type of body and the discipline it requires as long as the person is still thriving emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. There’s too much body bashing out there from all directions and I don’t want to join the mob.)
Two and half years later, I’m back at a size that may have triggered depression 6 years ago.
Now things are different. There are days I care and days I don’t. The “don’t care” days far outnumber the “do care” days. Perhaps when I’m less sleep deprived I’ll care more.
But one thing is for sure whether I do dare or don’t care, I’m done attaching my self worth to my size.
So I’m heading up to Alaska and I’m going to film my 49th kettlebell workout and if I’m still two sizes bigger then so be it. Take it as a sign that I’m thoroughly enjoying my life and body as it is.
Or that I’m still seriously sleep deprived. 😉
Or maybe that this little guy’s face melts aways all the worries in the world.
I hope all is well with you. Aside from being sleep deprived things are going well in our world on wheels!
Hugs and High Fives,
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