My Secret Affair with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
This is an old post is from another blog. I wrote it October 28, 2006. Tomorrow it will make sense!
At home*, we eat healthy or at least what I believe is healthy, basically an organic whole-food kosher diet. Actually, if you know me well, you know I can get a bit obsessive and annoying about food. I’m sure there is a label for my food obsession. Let me elaborate. Almost all the produce I buy is fresh, organic and nutritious, things like corn and iceberg don’t count. I try to eat at least one raw fruit or vegetable at every meal. I don’t buy white grains only brown. I try to limit the amount of wheat we eat. The majority of our dairy is organic. I buy high omega eggs with “golden” yolks. I’m even considering switching to raw milk. I don’t buy pork, shellfish, or dirty fish (they must have scales). My meat is free range and grassfed or at the least kosher. I buy chicken that has been fed a vegetarian diet without antibiotics or hormones. I don’t buy farm raised fish, only wild, and won’t eat too much b/c of mercury. I think processed sugar substitutes, of all kinds, are dangerous at best. The closest I come to buying processed food are frozen tamales at Trader Joes or spaghetti sauce. I enjoy detoxes and cleanses. I’m skeptical about soy products. I own a $300 wheatgrass juicer. Huge grocery stores, frighten me, I do my best to avoid them. If I am buying something in a jar or box, I practically memorize the labels. And I’m not just looking for hydrogenated oils, I’m looking for any artificial ingredient, color number something, or preservative that I can’t pronounce, don’t know what it means or sounds like it was made in a lab. You get the point. I’m anal about my food AT HOME*. I should probably get a WWJE bracelet.
Don’t be fooled by my AT HOME* eating habits. I’m a hypocrite. The problem is sugar or rather my addiction to it. I sabotage all my hard work with sugar. And everyone knows sugar is one of the worst things a person can eat. I need to find a support group because I have all the symptoms of an addict. I lie about eating it. I eat it when I say I don’t want it. I go out of my way to get it. I hide evidence. I try not to keep it in my house except in the forms of maple syrup, honey, and agave nectar. When I have been desperate, I have drank over of cup of maple syrup, making myself sick and once half a bottle of agave nectar. There’s something not right about that. I have even found myself shaking at the checkout line at Ralph’s trying not to buy a Reese’s cup or York Peppermint Patty. Once I came home shouting to Brent, “I did it”, overjoyed, at my triumph of not buying any candy at Ralph’s. Brent said, “Good job Baby!”. I said, “I rewarded myself with a People Magazine, it has anorexic stars who don’t eat sugar on the cover!!” The last 7 years for Lent, I have given up sugar and I don’t think I have ever been 100% successful. One year I ate an entire jar of kid’s gummy vitamins to get my fix, citing that it didn’t count b/c it wasn’t technically candy or a dessert. Sugar is like heroin to me, albeit, killing me slower and the damage to my life is not as evident. The worst part is, I have passed on my addiction to my son, Nathanael. Noah, my other son, somehow, seems to have been bypassed. He can eat a cookie and stop or save some for later. But Nathanael, well, he is just as bad as me, except that he is honest and shows no shame. He references candy about 5000 times a day. And I totally empathize with him. When I was a kid there used to be this Dairy Queen commercial where it took the audience’s point of view down a chocolate river lined with mountains of ice cream and chocolate covered in candy. That was my ultimate fantasy. Willy Wonka was my hero. The same is true for Nathanael. And I don’t know what to do about it. About a year ago, I discovered these books, The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Guide and Little Sugar Addicts. It was enlightening and Nathanael and I began our journey to recovery. The journey lasted less than a week. I feel like giving up but I don’t want to, at least not yet. This week has been bad, as is any time, I eat outside my house. When I go on vacation or go to a party, many of my dietary habits go out the window, especially sugar. I can justify every bite. This week, I have ate part of a 1/2 gallon of Blue Bell ice cream, two pizza cookies with ice cream, Joe-Joes, a gas station cinnamon roll, Ben and Jerry’s, a cheesecake brownie, and an enormous bag of marshmallows. And this is just what I can remember off the top of my head. I think my insides are exploding with yeast. Every night I have woke up with a stomach ache, I know because of the food I’m eating, especially sugar. This is why I am typing a blog at 3 a.m. And if it wasn’t gone, I’d probably be having a bowl of Blue Bell Turtle Fudge right now. Pathetic.
*This our “at home” diet only. It’s not a religious thing. So, if you invite us over for dinner, we will HAPPILY eat whatever you make without gagging and judgement. And if we go out to dinner I may order french fries and a coke!
To be continued!