The Cabinet is the cabinet above my fridge,  It is where we store my gum, back-up coffee, party trays, loads of napkins from Costco, our kid’s income (No allowance in this house…they earn money with chores.) and……The Sugar Saturday Candy.  Not long ago, there were some candy corns in a zipplock baggy in The Cabinet.  I say were because few weeks ago my son who they belong to asked for them and they were no where to be found.  So far no one will confess to eating them but I have my suspicions.  And no it wasn’t me although it almost was.   The candy corns sat there for a few months because they belong to my younger son who doesn’t lose all reasoning under the magic spell of sugar.  He doesn’t seem to hear “the song“.  He is the kind of kid who will take a few bites of ice cream and then walk away leaving the rest for me the trash.  A few years ago, before I cut myself off completely, I would have easily finished his ice cream and then some.  The same with his candy corns.

Since I store my gum in The Cabinet with the candy corns I used to see them quite a bit since I chew a lot of my gum.   I would have  thrown them out before they magically vanished but he has mentioned them a few times.  Since I’m always the “mean one” bringing home fresh vegetables, limited processed crap food, and cooking chicken “AGAIN!” I couldn’t be the one that threw away his Sugar Saturday treat.

One day I was foraging in The Cabinet looking for my last package of gum when I came across the ziplock baggy of candy corns.  I picked them up and looked around.  I stood very still on the bench and listened for rustling in the house.  Would anyone see if I snuck one? Two?  Thirty?  I must have stood there on the bench for two whole minutes holding the baggy of candy corn.  I ran my trembling fingers down the ziplock.  “Just one”, I told myself.

Here is a re-enactment.

Then I remembered.  I remembered what it was like hiding behind my house eating marshmellows until I was sick.  I remembered what it was like crying on my bed wondering why I just ate a 3 lb bag of Twizzlers. (Yes. I have.)  I remembered what it was like folding up yet another pair of jeans because they were too small.  I remembered the life of a sugar addict is not fun no matter how good it taste. I put the candy corns back NOT because I didn’t want one but because,”One is too many and a thousand never enough.”  Liimu used this phrase the other day in one of her comments.  You might have seen it.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot.   Yes, that would have been the case with candy corns.  With red vines.  With cookies.  With ice cream.  Thanks for reminding me Liimu.

I don’t post about my sugar addiction all the time so people will read and say, “Wow…she has some iron will-power”.  No that’s not my intent at all.  I get a lot of emails from people who struggle just like me and many of those emails bring tears to my eyes. (Yes, I’m emotional.)  How I wish I could somehow pull out a magic wand and make the addictions vanish (just like the missing candy corns).  So instead I write about my struggles on my little blog, hoping the someone somewhere in the world will feel hope.  Hope that sugar doesn’t have to control your life (or your weight!).

xoxo
j

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