Last week, I was sad.  It happens.

On my way home from errands I decided to stop here because I was depressed hot and wanted a cool drink.  And a distraction from the aching feeling that my life wasn’t enough.  (Ultimately, I know I am enough but sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it.)

“Candy, Soda Pop, Fun.“

Fun? That’s what I needed so I thought about getting these.

(Is it just me or does that M&M guy have an evil look on his face?)

But then I realized I would need these…

and these…

and I would have to “try” these…

and these…

In fact, I could eat every last ounce of sweet sugary distraction and I would still be me.  Only disappointed and with a tummy ache.

So instead I got this.

Ingredients: Pure Juice made from apple, white grape, and peace juice concentrates, sparkling water, citrus acid, and natural flavors, gum arabic, beta carotene, red radish concentrate.

I was pretty good.

Two years ago I would have eaten everything in the store and then cried myself to sleep.

That’s not fun.

Do I miss things like M&Ms and Swedish Fish?  Sure, for about 5 minutes but then I remember that every choice has it’s consequence.

That’s key.

For me.

Moderation is a beautiful thing when possible.

Ironically, I’m walking out the door to go here.  Going for the mini-roadtrip and time with friends not for the cupcakes.  Although if they have one made with honey I’ll be sure to enjoy it.  I’m loving life today and I love you!!!

If you haven’t entered my first giveaway please do!!!!!

Check out Deb’s post about our first kettlebell workout!  Now Deb IS fun!!!

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

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I think I may have overestimated my will power.  Maybe I’m not ready for chapter three of The Great Sugar Experiment.

Tuesday night, my husband mentioned he had been wanting ice cream all day.  We were sitting on the couch and he looked so tired, sweet, and cuddly.  I wanted to do something nice for him.  I wanted to do for him what I knew he would do for me (if I was a normal person without ten ton food issues).  ”I’ll go get you some,” I said.  We had the polite “No that’s okay”  ”Yes, really.”  argument for about 10 seconds and I was out the door pausing briefly to say, “I can do this”.   Yes, it was very dramatic as if I was on my way to make peace with an enemy who had deeply wounded me.  I guess in some ways I was.

About 15 seconds into my drive I started wondering if I could find an ice cream without refined sugar at the large grocery store.  Battle begins.  I don’t need it.  Just make some at home.  They won’t have it.  You said you have to make it.  But if it’s natural sugar.  Maybe….

My husband had specifically said he wanted “tiramisu” ice cream.  I’m wandering down the ice aisle reading the labels seeing EVERY flavor a human could possibly imagine except tiramisu.  My husband is probably the sweetest guy on the planet. However, he can be particular so I called to ask for another acceptable flavor.  ”Creme brulee?” he says politely.  Seriously?  I just scoured a mile long grocery aisle looking for tiramisu ice cream and now  he wants “creme brulee” ice cream.   I have boundaries.  I’m nice enough to go out in the wet rainy weather to get him ice cream but not nice enough to search through 8000 pints a second time looking for a flavor that might not even exist.  Annoyed, I read all the Ben and Jerry’s flavors over the phone while drooling worse than a Saint Bernard.  Finally, my husband decides on Oatmeal Cookie Chunk.  I grab the ice cream and hustle towards the checkout when a small section of the freezer catches my eye.  I stop and words like “all natural”, “organic”, “dairy free” pop out.  Hmmmm?  I’ve never seen this little section before.  Of course not, I’ve been avoiding the ice cream aisle for two years.  Could there, would there, should there be a “natural sugar” ice cream?

I start picking up little pints of ice cream scanning the ingredients looking for one with honey or maple when I see these.

Up in the corner it says “agave sweetened”.  I pick up the box and read the back.  Two separate lists of ingredients and sure enough “sugar” (or one of its refined forms) is not listed.  On the first list.  However, on the second list for the chocolate coating I read “beet sugar”.  I know good and well that “beet sugar” is refined sugar but crazy train had already started to pull away and jumping on.  I saw only the word “beet”. Suddenly the ice cream bars belong in the vegetable family.  It’s craziness, I tell ya.  I threw the box in my basket and charged to the check out.  Fast.  A woman on a mission.  Before I come to my senses and put them back.

I get home and nonchalantly tell my husband they had ice cream bars made with “all natural sugar”.  Well almost.  I sit down in front of the fire and unwrap my little bar.  Soooo good.  I’m shooting up.  Two bites into it and I’m already thinking about the 3 left in the box.  This is where the real problem lies.  The bar is not the problem.  While not leafy greens it isn’t the worst thing in the world to be eating.  In fact, for being a processed sweet it’s not that bad with short ingredients list and only 10 grams of sugar mostly from agave nectar.  (Been reading some stuff in question regarding agave…need to do more research but for now I’m considering it an okay natural sugar.)  Ten grams of sugar is about 2.5  teaspoons, a quarter of the sugar in one can of coke and less than half  of what the American Heart Association is now recommending.  It’s me.  I’m the problem.  I spent the next 20 minutes thinking, okay OBSESSING, about the 3 bars left sitting in my freezer. I contemplated sneaking them out through the back door where I could eat them all in private in the  pouring rain.  I’ll just explain to my husband why they are all gone in the morning.  Or maybe he wouldn’t notice?  Or I could run back to the store in the morning to buy replacements? I thinking that I should just eat the whole box and go back to being sugar free tomorrow.  I’m thinking I could just eat one more.  I’m thinking.  I’m thinking.  I’m thinking about NOTHING else except the %$#!@*!@ ice cream bars.

“One is too many and a thousand is never enough.” as fellow blogger Liimu once reminded me.

There’s hope.  There’s always hope.

Ultimately,  I told myself that if I’m going to do this, then I have to do this. Stop at just ONE.  I can’t live the rest of my life, “starting over“.  I grabbed a piece of mint gum, feverishly finished cleaning the kitchen, and rushed to brush my teeth.

The questions remain.  Was it worth it?  Was that one little bar worth the 30 minutes of emotional turmoil that followed…because I’m not going back to where I came from?

I may not have had a second helping but I’m having second thoughts.  Life almost felt easier without desserts.

xoxo
j

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As some of you know I had a secret affair with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. A serious sugar addiction. On December 31st, 2007, I decided I would not eat candy, cookies, ect. for a year.  A year rolled by and I surprisingly kept my promise to myself.  So I decided to spend another year feeling angry and self-righteous about giving up refined sugar. Two birthdays without cake.  It wasn’t an easy decision to make much less keep but now I see how truly liberating it was. Yes, I said was.

I’ve been so busy settling back in from our vacation I haven’t had much time to blog but I did want to confess to you that I ate some traditional dessert for the first time on January 1st. I wish I could say it was a planned choice but it wasn’t. My mom was making peanut butter icing for a cake and I stuck my finger in the bowl. Five times. Later at my grandma’s house I paced for 10 minutes around the table where the cake sat in all it’s creamy sweet peanut buttery glory and decided to have a few more fingerfulls of icing. It was heaven. I know. Some of you might be thinking, “Some icing? Puleeze! If you’re gonna blow it make it count.” Yeah, had I planned to eat refined sugar I probably would have done that but after 730 days of saying “no” it wasn’t easy emotionally to splurge. I’ll admit it, I felt guilt and failure over some icing. For about 10 seconds. Movin’ on.

So am I going allow myself to eat desserts again? Yes and no. I realized that day, I’m only a package of Oreos away from my old habits because later I was in my mom’s pantry “sneaking” packs of those nasty little chemical fruit snacks for children. Sad. You think if I’m going to have a “treat” I could do better than than that, right?  But I also realized I’d like to be able to enjoy sweet treats like cookies again. My solution? I am going to occasionally allow myself to eat cookies and desserts that are made with natural sugars, e.g. maple syrup, honey, ect,.  It will allow me to experience moderation without committing to moderation. How? It will take some effort if I want a dessert since I’m lazy, busy, and I don’t like to bake. This choice fits right in with my mostly whole food lifestyle. I will still pass on candy bins at the grocery store checkout and on most cookies and desserts. But if I want ice cream, I can have ice cream providing I make it with natural whole food ingredients. In fact, I had my first bowl of homemade ice cream last night using this honey ice cream recipe topped with fresh blackberries. It was soooo good and I enjoyed every bite. Every. Bite. I wanted to take a picture but I was so excited to be having ice cream for the first time in two years that I forgot. Honestly, I wonder if I could have eaten myself into a coma but since we had only made enough for 4 people and it would have taken another hour and a half to make more I stopped after one bowl.

I’m nervous to be moving into this new chapter on my journey as a struggling but mostly recovered sugar addict. I’m testing my boundaries.  It’s an experiment.  I’m aware I’m starting up a potentially very slippery slope.  Hopefully, I won’t be neglecting my family because I’m tucked away in the kitchen baking maple oat bars 8 hours a day or passing out on honey wheat cookie dough.

I’ve learned so much about myself these past two years in regards to my limitations and inner strength involving food. I’ve learned that most often I do best within strict boundaries. That’s just me.  Moderation has it’s place in my life but not when it comes to refined sugar. At least not yet and maybe never.  I’ve learned that I can go out for ice cream with my children without having a nervous breakdown. Or we can now stay home and make our own healthier version. I’ve learned that I don’t have to celebrate with cake on my birthday but this year I might.  Hmmm…I should start thinking about coming up with a honey peanut butter cake recipe.

xoxo
jenn

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It’s not just me, those other “health nuts”, or dentists who think Americans need to reduce their sugar consumption.  The American Heart Association released a statement on Monday saying sugar can contribute to heart attacks.  From CNN.com

(CNN) – A sweet tooth could lead to a heart attack, the American Heart Association warns.

Americans are consuming more than 22 teaspoons of sugar each day. And the added sweetness could lead to obesity, high blood pressure, heart attack or stroke, the group says.

The organization warned Americans to cut back on sugar in statement released Monday.

“Sugar has no nutritional value other than to provide calories,” said Rachel K. Johnson, lead author of the association’s statement. “Consuming foods and beverages with excessive amounts of added sugars displaces more nutritious foods and beverages for many people.”

The statement focuses on added sugar, which it defined as sugars and syrups added to food during processing or preparation.

Most women should consume no more than 100 calories, or six teaspoons of this added sugar, a day. Men should not consume more than 150 calories, or nine teaspoons, the Heart Association said.

The No. 1 source of added sugar is soda, it added.

“One 12-ounce can of regular soda contains about 130 calories and eight teaspoons of sugar,” Johnson said.

The Heart Association recommended cutting sugar and maintaining a diet heavy in fruits, vegetables, lean meat, poultry and fish.

Okay so it’s not groundbreaking for most of you.  But I remember a time not too many years ago when I knew I shouldn’t eat sugar because it was bad for my teeth and that’s about it.  In college, I would sit in class washing down a pack of m&m’s with a soda and think for a second about possibly getting a cavity before I shrugged it off with a another gulp of soda.  I’m SO EXCITED to see an association that is generally respected by a lot of people speak out against sugar.  Yes, they could have said a  lot more regarding the consequences of a diet high in sugar and not all sugars are created equal but it’s a start!  I know at the peak of my sugar addiction 100 calories of refined sugar would have been a GIGANTIC improvement for me. My only concern about this article is that people will each just as many sweets but make them sugar-free or diet instead of learning to satisfy those sweet cravings with things like fruit or honey.  But it’s a step and I hope some people will look at their diet and make a change for the better because it’s not just about fitting into those skinny jeans anymore (not that it was ever just about that ) but it’s about saving or improving your life.  The American Heart Association says so!

xoxo
j

The Cabinet is the cabinet above my fridge,  It is where we store my gum, back-up coffee, party trays, loads of napkins from Costco, our kid’s income (No allowance in this house…they earn money with chores.) and……The Sugar Saturday Candy.  Not long ago, there were some candy corns in a zipplock baggy in The Cabinet.  I say were because few weeks ago my son who they belong to asked for them and they were no where to be found.  So far no one will confess to eating them but I have my suspicions.  And no it wasn’t me although it almost was.   The candy corns sat there for a few months because they belong to my younger son who doesn’t lose all reasoning under the magic spell of sugar.  He doesn’t seem to hear “the song“.  He is the kind of kid who will take a few bites of ice cream and then walk away leaving the rest for me the trash.  A few years ago, before I cut myself off completely, I would have easily finished his ice cream and then some.  The same with his candy corns.

Since I store my gum in The Cabinet with the candy corns I used to see them quite a bit since I chew a lot of my gum.   I would have  thrown them out before they magically vanished but he has mentioned them a few times.  Since I’m always the “mean one” bringing home fresh vegetables, limited processed crap food, and cooking chicken “AGAIN!” I couldn’t be the one that threw away his Sugar Saturday treat.

One day I was foraging in The Cabinet looking for my last package of gum when I came across the ziplock baggy of candy corns.  I picked them up and looked around.  I stood very still on the bench and listened for rustling in the house.  Would anyone see if I snuck one? Two?  Thirty?  I must have stood there on the bench for two whole minutes holding the baggy of candy corn.  I ran my trembling fingers down the ziplock.  ”Just one”, I told myself.

Here is a re-enactment.

Then I remembered.  I remembered what it was like hiding behind my house eating marshmellows until I was sick.  I remembered what it was like crying on my bed wondering why I just ate a 3 lb bag of Twizzlers. (Yes. I have.)  I remembered what it was like folding up yet another pair of jeans because they were too small.  I remembered the life of a sugar addict is not fun no matter how good it taste. I put the candy corns back NOT because I didn’t want one but because,”One is too many and a thousand never enough.”  Liimu used this phrase the other day in one of her comments.  You might have seen it.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot.   Yes, that would have been the case with candy corns.  With red vines.  With cookies.  With ice cream.  Thanks for reminding me Liimu.

I don’t post about my sugar addiction all the time so people will read and say, “Wow…she has some iron will-power”.  No that’s not my intent at all.  I get a lot of emails from people who struggle just like me and many of those emails bring tears to my eyes. (Yes, I’m emotional.)  How I wish I could somehow pull out a magic wand and make the addictions vanish (just like the missing candy corns).  So instead I write about my struggles on my little blog, hoping the someone somewhere in the world will feel hope.  Hope that sugar doesn’t have to control your life (or your weight!).

xoxo
j

The other day my family and I went into a little gelato shop after visiting our alma mater Westmont College.  Over the past year and a half, I’ve learned to deal with these little occurrences without much grief but for some reason this particular trip was different.  The flavors of gelato lined up in the case glimmering under the store lights bringing back summer memories of getting happily lost in scoops of ice cream.  I scanned the flavors.  They had the standards like mint chip (my old favorite), vanilla, and coffee, as well as more exotic flavors, like lemon chiffon, peach, and green apple.  Looking at them, I remembered the rush of pleasure a spoonful would bring.   I thought of the creaminess, the sweetness, the coolness of each bite.  In the moment, I forgot the binges and the horrible feeling of losing control.  It was like breaking up with a boyfriend.  You forget all the reasons why you broke up and only remember the fun times.  This was the first time in many many months that I really missed sugar. I debated if I should get a scoop or not while the smiley faces on the flavor tags seemed to mock my indecisiveness and grief.

In fact I almost cried because I wanted some so bad. Seriously, I had tears in my eyes.

I decided to try a taste of the sugar free (made with splenda) vanilla with fresh blueberries. I ate a bite the size of my finger nail and instantly knew if I ordered it I’d turn down a new road filled with unnecessary potholes.  I don’t need that.  The road I’m on has enough already.  Every trip to the grocery I’d justify  ”sugar free” ice cream or end up back were I started driving around the neighborhood stuffing my face with “diabetic” candy.  I don’t want to fight a battle I’ve already won.

Food whose sole purpose lies in being a sweet treat is still a doorway to craziness. Occasionally, putting honey in my tea or a little maple syrup instead of blueberries on my French toast is okay.  So far I haven’t found myself curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth in my closet licking the inside of a frosting can.  I had to draw a line somewhere to stop the madness.  That line is NO candy, cakes, puddings, ice cream, cookies, doughnuts, ect.  Basically anything with a lot of refined sugar.  Yeah sometimes it really stinks.  REALLY STINKS but so does the life of an addict.

Here is my family at the gelato shop enjoying their ice cream.

I, Killjoy, am watching them while sipping my steamed milk.

Yeah life is hard in America.

xoxo
j

Over the past few months I’ve received quite a few emails from people who are thinking about giving up refined (or even all) sugar.  I think that’s so rad that so many people are even considering it.  This past week I got a list of really great questions and I decided to post them in hopes someone out there will find them helpful. 

Did you get rid of all white flour products when you stopped sugar?  I am thinking about getting rid of sugar all together, but I’m afraid I will binge on other “white” things and stuff, so I’m thinking about eliminating it all, but that is hard also.

Ahhhhhhh!!!  I know.  I know. I know.  You’re so right.  It is hard.  No, I didn’t get rid of all white flour products when I gave up refined sugar.  This was the right choice for me.  I think it would of been too hard and I might have gotten discouraged given up.  Although, I have a feeling that my choice to keep other refined foods in my diet contributed to my depression.  And I know that’s why I didn’t lose weight when I stopped eating refined sugar, I made up for it with piles of nachos.  About 5 months after giving up refined sugar, when I decided to train for my competition, I stopped eating the other refined “white” foods.  Now I rarely eat “white” products.  I save those for free meals.  Even then I have to mentally prepare to battle the cravings that will come afterwards but overall it works for me.

And did you replace anything with natural sweeteners like xylitol or agave?

Yes, I do use natural sweeteners.  I couldn’t give up the sweet taste forever.  I have to be really careful though.  I’ve gone overboard on agave nectar and honey a few times.  But I’ve found that I’m waaaaaay less likely to binge on these things than I am peanut m&m’s or other refined treats.  Not sure why.  Probably because they don’t taste as good.  I think in the beginning it’s better to eliminate it all.  After you’ve built up some CONFIDENCE in your ability to resist a binge and you’ve gone a few months without it you may want to try using these products in CONTROLLED amounts.   I always measure agave with a spoon.  I know for me once I’ve been binge-free for a while I don’t want to mess it up my clean streak.

What do you drink? Do you have coffee? Or just tea?

I drink coffee and tea.  I drink my coffee black and have learned to love it that way.  I also drink many types of teas.  I love Jasmine Green Tea.  SOOO GOOD.   Sometimes I drink blueberry tea if I have a craving or I take a large mug of it to sip if I’m going to be somewhere where everyone is eating sugary junk.  As far as juices, I don’t drink them unless I juice them myself which is rare because I’m lazy.

What did you do with things like yogurt? Did you eat it plain?

Yogurt is a gray area.  Occasionally I’ll have a traditional yogurt cup.  But mostly, I eat plain yogurt with agave nectar and ground flax now.  Or I’ll use fruit, like in my Banana Nut “Sundae”.  If you are having a craving I certainly think yogurt is a better option.  There are lots of things about yogurt that are good for you.

What do you think about corn tortillas or tortilla chips?

YUMMY!!! Those are one of my BIGGEST temptations.  I eat them only for planned sane(free) meals.   It depends on your goals and your triggers.  If you just want to get off refined sugar and they don’t cause intense cravings then keep eating them.  If you want to get off sugar and lose weight then I’d say stay away for a few months.

Did you limit your children’s sugar when you gave it up?

Yes, I limit my children’s intake of sugar.  They have what are called “Sugar Saturdays”.  No sugar during the weeks unless it’s a special occasion like a class party.  I’m not going to be that mother.  Saturday comes and they can have as much as they want.  Which may sound crazy but it usually doesn’t turn out to be all that much  because we don’t keep any in the house.  Their dad usually takes them out for ice cream or buy them a special sweet treat.  Oh and they get to eat the “bank suckers” they’ve been saving all week. If Halloween just passed – forgeddaboutit – let the mayhem begin.

I hope this has been helpful.  If you are thinking about giving up sugar you may want to check out 10 Ways to Help Break a Sugar Addiction.  I know it may sound ridicously depressing and nearly impossible but trust me life without sugar is not that bad.  :)

I love hearing from you. Always feel free to email me with questions or to share your success story!

xoxo
j

I bought The Sugar Addict’s Total Recovery Program  by Kathleen DesMaisons a few years ago when I was feeling really desperate. While I don’t agree with everything in the book it is a fanatastic resource for those who feel like their dependency on sugar may be related to their depression or getting in the way of reaching goals.  What I enjoyed most about the book was it made me feel like a little less of a freak. It reassured me that there were other people out there who felt they might have a mental breakdown if they didn’t get candy in the check out line at the grocery. 

Ms. DesMaisons goes very in depth into her research regarding the chemistry of sugar addictions. In her experience she says most mild to moderate forms of depression are usually related to diet. This has been my own personal experience. Like I’ve said before, I have been able to greatly reduce my depression symptoms with dietary changes and exercise. She also talks about sugar addiction being caused by faulty brain chemistry regarding serotonin and beta endorphins.  I won’t go into details but it’s fascinating and hopeful if you struggle with an constant need to down sugar or carbs. Here are her 7 steps to a sugar free life.

1. Eat breakfast with protein every day. 
2. Journal what you eat and how you feel.   
3. Eat Three Meals a day with Protein
4. Eat a Potato Before Bed
5. Shift from White Food to Brown Foods
6. Taking the Sugars Out.
7. Staying with the Program Over Time. 

Her recommedation about eating protein with every meal and having breakfast everyday is spot on. I’ve found that these two suggestions are essential in being able to resist sugar and to lose weight. I disasgree with the only 3 meals a day suggestion.  Her reason is that sugar sensitive people have a hard time saying no and snacks encourage grazing throughout the day.  Personally I have found that if I skip meal 2 (mid-morning “snack”) and meal 4 (mid-afternoon “snack”) then I am much more likely to binge and eat waaaaaay more than I need.  Not only that but I’m more likely to choose the wrong foods, i.e. a package of white tortillas.  She says if you are engaging in “major athletic activity” then snacks are okay.  I guess my workouts could be considered “major athletic activity”! 

The potato before bed seems a little wacky to me.  I tried it and didn’t notice much or any difference. But her science behind it is intriguing and convincing when you read it.  And, despite being skeptical, I definitely think it’s worth a try.  Even if it only works because of a placebo effect.  Who cares as long as it works.  My advice would be just make sure it is a small potato and don’t load it with fat.

Yes please do shift to brown foods if you are currently eating white foods.  This is a really basic concept and I forget that not everyone knows wheat bread is better than white, brown rice is better than white and so on.

I think the suggestions in her book combined with 5-6 whole food meals a day consisting of lots of veggies and protein could do wonders in helping many sugar addicts gain control.  The book is worth reading for the motivation alone but remember her way of overcoming the addiction is not the only way. If you need to tweak it to suit you then you should. For instance, I went cold turkey and she says that doesn’t work. But she certainly offers a ton of suggestions that are really helpful.  I’m all for trying to treat depression with lifestyle choices before prescriptions. Most of all, I admire her commitment to fight a serious problem that is contributing to the health crisis we have in our country. Here is a a list of her books on Amazon if you want to see what other people have to say.

The Sugar Addict’s Total Recovery Program

Potatoes Not Prozac, A Natural Seven-Step Dietary Plan to Stabilize the Level of Sugar in Your Blood, Control Your Cravings and Lose Weight, and Recognize How Foods Affect the Way You Feel

Your Last Diet!: The Sugar Addict’s Weight-Loss Plan

Little Sugar Addicts: End the Mood Swings, Meltdowns, Tantrums, and Low Self-Esteem in Your Child Today

I have the Little Sugar Addicts book too but I haven’t read it all.  I need to because I have a little sugar addict living in my house.  My children are one of the reasons that I tend to think there may be link between individual body chemistries and dependency on sugar.  One of my boys is a complete carb/sugar addict.  He will eat it until he is sick.  The other boy will take a few licks of a sucker and then leave it on the counter and forget about it.  They are only two years apart and have the same parents but react completely different to sugar.  If anyone has and good links or info on this.

xoxo
j

I received a very moving email the other day and in it the sender asked me how I cut sugar out of my life and how was I able to fill the void that sugar was filling, with something else?  They also wanted to know how I made that final commitment to remove sugar from my life?

Hi my name is Jenn and I’m a recovering sugar addict.

If you are a sugar addict, I want to let you know I UNDERSTAND exactly how you feel.  People who don’t have the same addiction don’t understand and think it’s silly.  It’s NOT.  It’s very REAL and the feelings associated with it  or caused by it can be very painful. I made that final commitment because I realized but more importantly accepted I had lost all self-control when it came to sugar.  And that was wearing on my confidence.  I hated that feeling of being controlled by sugar. I hated that I couldn’t pass up sugar.  I hated that I dreaded social events because I knew that they would probably lead to a sugar binge.  I hated that I could never lose weight because no mater how healthy I ate I would still eat sugar.  I hated that I would buy it and eat it really fast in secret.  I hated that I would go out of my way to get sugar. I hated feeling like a hypocrite.  I had a haunch that sugar was holding me back from who I was supposed to be and I really hated that. I tried eating sugar only on free days/meals but I couldn’t do it.  I’d start having little bites here and there during the week and that would lead to a binge. The free day/meal or what I call the sane day/meal is popular among people who train and practice clean eating.  It’s a great idea and for many people and it can be really helpful in reaching your goals.  But a recovering alcoholic doesn’t take a “free day” where they can drink all they want once a week nor does a herion addict.  And deep inside I knew I couldn’t either.  So I would say my turning point came when I ACCEPTED that I was a sugar addict and would have to treat it as if I was recovering from a more serious addiction.  That may sound dramatic to some but for me it is the truth.  Just ask my husband!  I had called myself a sugar addict but inside I really thought I could control my habit. When I accepted that I couldn’t control how much sugar I ate I started to look at the problem differently.

I thought for a while about how I would face my addiction.  I had tried The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery program.  It’s a great book but following the 6 step program didn’t work for me.  So after trying different ways to use moderation and wean myself off of it.  I decided I’d have to go cold turkey and quit entirely.  I chose a year because it seemed permanent and impermanent at the same time.  Make sense?  Probably not.  In other words I felt like if I could go a year then I could go a lifetime but I felt like I could have sugar again if I wanted…in a year.  It was a good choice because it gave me enough time to experience the real psychological and physical benefits of not having sugar.  In my opinion, a few weeks or months just really isn’t enough time.  But more importantly it gave me 12 months to build the confidence in myself that I CAN control myself.  This is what replaced filled the void that sugar was filling.  Confidence. I needed the time to grow which is why I chose a year as opposed to a month or 8 weeks.  But I also choose a year so I didn’t feel trapped.  I don’t think I could say I can NEVER have it again so I take it a year at a time.  I don’t plan on ever eating it again but having an “out” helps me on days when I really want to eat a bowl of ice cream.  Last year, as I neared my 12 month anniversary I began to fret about becoming addicted again.  Days before I realized how much better I felt off of sugar and realized I wanted to go another year without candy and sweets.  It’s been almost a month of year-two and I can say this year is much easier than last.

I know some of you are doing your own “Song of the Siren Sugar Challenge”  I love hearing from you.  I can’t tell you how excited I am for you.  And for those of you who are considering breaking your sugar addiction here are 10 tips that helped me get through as I struggled to break my sugar addiction.

1. Chew sugarless gum.  I almost always have a piece of gum after dinner.

2.  Buy a travel mug and take hot tea or coffee with you to social events.  Sip very slowly.  It will give you something to do with your hands.  There are LOTS of yummy teas out there and I’m sure you can find on you really enjoy.  I love blueberry tea and jasmine green tea.  The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf have some really yummy teas.  I love their Strawberries and Cream and African Sunrise blends.

3. At a get-togethers focus on other people and what they are saying.  They will think you are the best conversationalist and you won’t be thinking about the tray of truffles on the counter.  Okay maybe you will still be thinking about the truffles but time will pass more quickly if your enjoying your friends instead of thinking about how you can’t have the truffles.

4. If possible don’t keep sugar in the house.  Duh.  This wasn’t always possible for me.

5. Tell EVERYONE you gave up sugar for a year.  You will get some weird looks.  People won’t believe you can’t do it.  But pride, for all it’s downfalls, can be a good motivator.

6. Find some foods that feel like treats but that really aren’t.  For a while I ate a serving of A Good Idea Pudding everyday.

7. Fruit.  It can help with cravings and you aren’t likely to binge on tangerines.  And if you do at least they have nutritional value.

8. Think about how GREAT you will feel in a year and you will be able to say, “I didn’t eat sugar for a year.” It may annoy other people but it’s fun for you and it will help you stay “sober”.

9. If your at a social event and cravings are hitting you really hard be smug on the inside and sweet on the outside.  When I’m particularly struggling I repeat “Let them eat cake” over and over in my head.  Yeah it’s a little self-righteous but it’s gets me through the evening without a binge.
10. If you can have an accountability partner, a friend or family member.  My husband was mine.  He didn’t give up sugar but he knew how much I wanted to break the habit so he was very helpful.  After a few months he told me he hoped I never ate sugar again because the changes in my depression were that dramatic.  I really needed someone who would encourage me to stay strong when a craving hit.

(So the list is going to be longer than 10 things.).

11. Eat breakfast every morning.  A real breakfast with protein.  My favorite is 1 egg, 4 egg whites, 1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon (not brown sugar!), and 1/2 grapefruit.

12. Speaking of protein eat some every meal.  It really does help with cravings.

What about natural sugars??  Things like honey, agave nectar, maple syrup, ect?   It really depends. I still eat those things from time to time.  I believe RAW honey is very good for you, a superfood, and don’t usually have a problem bingeing on it.  Why?  Because it makes my tongue raw and it’s terribly expensive.  There are some gray areas but things like candy, cakes, cookies are off-limits. Occasionally I’ll have a waffle with some real maple syrup if I’m not PMS-ing or if I’m not emotional. And I almost always measure it out with a tablespoon, put it away, and say out loud to my husband that I will not be having anymore.  But I’ve also found that I can enjoy things like whole grain (not white) waffles with just fruit.  Years ago I got really sick from drinking over a cup of maple syrup so it’s not really a temptation any more.  So far I’ve not had a problem bingeing on those things although I’m well aware I’m capable of it and tread that slope with caution. If I having a really strong craving I may have some dried fruit which can be a problem but I still think it’s better than satisfying that craving with cupcakes or chocolate.  I wouldn’t recommend natural sugars until you are confident you can eat them without going crazy.  I’ve found them to be a lot less addicting than refined stuff but it’s still best to be cautious.  It’s much easier to pass by the honey jar than it is the cookie plate.

I hope this helps someone.  If I can break my addiction ANYONE can because I was once someone who hid out behind my house pouring a bottle of pancake syrup down my throat.

I’m sort of proud of myself today.  Not something that happens a lot since Garbage Girl insists on trying to visit almost every day. Anyway, today is my 365th day without eating any candy or desserts.  If you read yesterday’s blog this is a HUGE accomplishment for me.  Last Christmas when I was in the middle of a very painful episode of depression I decided I’d give up refined sugar for a year.  I wasn’t sure I could do it but I did!  Well mostly. I’m sure there was some corn syrup other poisons in some of the bread or crackers I ate over the year.  And there were some gray areas like an occasional waffle with real maple syrup! But for 365 days I did not eat one bite of pie, cookies, ice cream, candy, or even a peppermint!  Okay, I have to confess the other day when I was cooking for Christmas I spaced it and ate the tiniest bit of brown sugar that had fallen on the counter.  Immediately I rinsed my mouth out with Draino so it doesn’t count.  But that is the only time. I didn’t even eat cake on my birthday!

Was it easy? The first three months were horrible. I’m not gonna lie. I’d find myself watering at the mouth like a dog at the sight of gummy worms.  Or I’d hear myself cursing people in my head who dared to eat dessert in front of me.  But after a while it became much easier.  Much easier. I could get through the check out line at the grocery without having a nervous breakdown.  My family could order dessert and I wouldn’t question out of resentment why I stuck with a bunch of gluttons.  Now when everyone else eats dessert I’m happy with my tea.  Most of the time.

This year I learned to treat sugar like what it is for me, an addiction.  Not everyone has this addiction but I did. Some people can eat a piece of cake and be done.  I have one lovely friend who even keeps a basket of candy in her kitchen.  She tells me she has to throw it away because it goes bad.   I’d eat of of it in a day because the next day “I’d start a diet”. I tried the moderation thing but it just didn’t work with sugar.  I couldn’t have just one cookie or even 6, I’d have to have every one of the cookies.  I’d steal my candy.  I’d eat a 1/2 gallon of ice cream in one sitting.  I’d say “just one more” 30 times and stop only when whatever it was I was eating was gone or I felt like I had just swallowed 5 pounds of Play-doh.  I’m sure you get the point.

But this past year, I accepted my addiction and did something about it.  I can’t tell you how great it feels.

The best part is not having that out of control feeling I’d get when I’d open a bag of Chips Ahoy cookies or went to a party with a table covered in sweets.  I hated that feeling.  I felt helpless, like a slave to sweets.  And as I said earlier, I made my decision to live a refined sugar free life for a year when I was in the middle of one of my worst bouts of depression.  I know sugar was contributing to my mood swings because after a few weeks the mood swings were far less severe.  And once I committed to a clean diet and exercise I started to experience hope and joy again.  Something that I had lived too many months without.

I’ve been contemplating for months about how I’m going to celebrate tonight.  Part of me wants to bring in the New Year with Ben and Jerry.  But after a lot of thought and reflection on the changes I’ve experienced I decided I’m going to go for another year without it.  Honestly, I’m too afraid of having that out of control feeling again.  It’s like if I was an alcoholic I wouldn’t want to celebrate a year of being sober with a drink.

Some people have asked me why don’t I do moderation.  The reason is simple.  I can’t.  At least not with sugar. I’ve learned and accepted this about myself.  I do not yet have the tools to eat sugar in moderation. Maybe someday I will be able to bake cookies and actually have dough left to bake but until then sugar is my Song of the Siren.

Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve and be safe!

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

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