On top of my kettlebell workouts we also hiked a lot.  I averaged 15,000 steps a day.  It felt amazing.  The more I walk the more I am CONVINCED it is actually exercise.  I never thought I would say that but my body has never felt better.  Truly.  Combine walking with a quality kettlebell program and you have a killer combination of strength and cardiovascular with practically 0 stress/impact on your joints.

One of my favorite hikes was up a river filled with boulders.  We went there twice.  Once with the kiddos and once alone.

I don’t normally hike in a bikini.  That would be weird (for me) but since we were in a mountain stream and no one was around I felt comfortable.

For some reason this picture cracks me up with the flower in the foreground.

Brent loves to get in mountain streams.  He calls it “refreshing”.  I call it CRAZY.

But after some coaxing….

….he convinced me that I should get in.

I don’t think cold was the right word.  How about PAINFUL.  I will admit after I got out I did feel refreshed.  Maybe hydrotherapy will grow on me.

Can’t go under it.  Can’t go around it.  Gotta go across it.  This tree was enormous.  Bigger than it looks in the picture.

Nowadays this is about as thrill seeker as I get.  Hope I don’t fall off.  That would be bad.

Whew we made it.

Not only did I get some quality time with Brent.  Thing 2 and I got some cuddle time.  He likes to call me “Cuddle Butt”.  I love it.

When Weewa, aka my mom, is around I don’t get much cuddles from Thing 1.

Brent works from home so one day hiked up to the top of a hill to set up “an office”.

That about sums up our trip unless you want to see the pictures of Snow White Gone Bad.

Don’t worry I put him right back and it’s a myth that mother ducks abandone their ducklings after being touched by a human.  You should have seen Mama Duck.  I’m just lucky I kept my fingers.

Hugs and High Fives,
Jenn

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Went to the cupboard.
Despite being close to the show.
When she got there
The cupboard should have been bare
Since she has trouble with “NO”.

Here’s a recap of the competition from yesterday.

The competition was an hour away from my house (w/o traffic) in Hollywood so I had decided I’d drive down in the morning which meant I got a good nights sleep in my own bed.  I got up at 6 am put on another coat of tan because I looked more like child who had been playing in the mud under a sprinkler than a “glamourous” figure competitor. After the tan I put on my face and Brent took a few pictures before I headed out to pick up my friend Martha.

Slowly growing some lats.

Only shot where you can see The Abbeys.

We get to to the high school where the show was being held and walk into the “athlete’s meeting”.  Which I  get a kick out of because I’ve never considered myself an “athelete”.  I’m just a girl who is obsessed with nutrition and likes to workout hard.   Right away, I notice that it was a much younger crowd than my last competition.  It’s not that I’m old but 31 and two kids definitely feels different than 20 and no kids when I am about to go onstage in a bikini.

After the meeting, I go backstage to find a space in the dressing room.  Good thing this is a small show because the dressing room is the size of a closet.  I start wishing I had a brown paper bag in case I hyperventilate.  The men check in first and then the women move out to the lobby to check in.  I notice this one beautiful girl who is walking around with her shirt held up with a hair clip to show her GODDESS abs.  Seriously.  I have NEVER seen abs like that on a woman. Miss Abs was also naturally tan, tall, with long exotic dark hair.  I’m sitting there feeling like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s sister and praying that she isn’t in my class.  The check-in lady calls for the novice figure women and Miss Abs stands up.  I mutter something like “Oh %$#&” and immediately start wishing I had stayed out of the peanut butter jar and did a little more cardio.  The peanut butter just didn’t’ seem worth it standing next to Miss Abs.   As she is paying I look down and notice her fancy iphone has picture of herself as the screensaver.  Normally, I’d roll my eyes at such sillyness but in the moment  I’m thinking I’d do the same thing if my tummy looked that good.  In fact, I’d probably put a billboard of myself in my front yard if I had abs like hers.  Damn peanut butter.

So I go back to finish getting ready because of the heat my face looks like my 6 year old did my make up while I was sleeping. Let’s just say I’m a little white (or fair as I call it) and getting to my face to match my body and then stay that way is like trying to freeze a chocolate bar in a hot car.

This is a drug tested competition which means I have to pay $60 to pee in  cup.  The girl gives me the cup and looks at me as if I’m supposed to squat right there in the middle of the dressing room.  Motioning to the one room bathroom I ask, “Can I go in there?”.

“Sure but I have to watch?”, she replies.

What???   She has to watch.  Give me a break.   I don’t even go to the bathroom in front on my husband and I’ve had very little water the past 12 hours.  I sit there and try act like this is no big deal by making stupid jokes.  After 5 or 6 minutes I’m running out small talk and realize God is not going to answer my prayer the way I want.  I let her know I just can’t.  ”We’ll get it later,” she says.  Yipppeeee can’t wait.

As I said this is a small show so it’s moving really fast and before I know it I’m waiting in the wings of the stage to go on.  I’m doing my best to remind myself that I did this to LOSE but seeing the young tight girl next to me is making me feel like Old Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard too many times.  But the cupboard wasn’t bare.  In fact, the cupboard had Costco size jars of peanut butter.  They call my number and for a minute I think maybe I really am an “athlete” as I imagine sprinting through the auditorium in 5 inch heels.  I survive going onstage although I’m smiling at the judges as if they are holding loaded guns instead of score cards.  Now we have a 3 hour break until the night show.

The really nice thing about this show is the location. Not only is it relatively close to my house but it’s on the corner of Melrose and Fairfax which means Urban Outfitters (Yes I’m 31 and still shop at UO) and a bunch of other fun little stores are within walking distance.  And since it’s Hollywood I don’t feel like freak with my orange runny “tan”, in fact, I feel like I fit in even more.  Martha and I go to Crossroads Trading Company.  It’s a buy-and-sell-used-clothing store and every time I go I find something cute and cheap.   This time it was a pair of Joe’s Jeans in a size 26 (no stretch mind you) for $30.  They were a tight 26  but after walking on the stage next to “I’m 20 with the prefect body” they were just what I needed to give the ego a lift.

After some shopping and pizza we walked back to the high school for the evening show where they hand out the awards.  I’ve drank big glass of green tea so I manage to serve up the urine sample with a side sarcasm.  I seriously considered leaving but decided against mainly because I’ve spent much of my life starting things and not following through.  It’s a pattern I’ve been working really hard to break so I go back to feel like Old Mother Hubbard one more time.

Right before I walk on stage it occurs to me that this is so not me.  I love to dress up just as much as any girl.  I love to feel beautiful just as much as any girl.  But figure competitions are just not my idea of beauty and glamour.  Not that they aren’t glamourous and beautiful in their own right but unlike a lot of girls nothing about the look but the muscle appeals to me.  I have always loved old school retro glamour.  Fair skin, red lips, elegant dresses, and classic hair. That’s the style I’ve always  gravitated towards (aside from my one year as a cheerleader in high school) when I want to feel beautiful. In that brief moment, I don’t think I have ever felt more like I was somebody else in my fake tan, tiny bikini, stripper heels, and over the top make-up.  It was surreal and I started to ask myself some questions but before I could get into my deep nonsense about why I was doing this they called my number.  While I was onstage I suddenly felt a strong sense of peace and okay with who I was despite having logs instead of legs.  I looked for my friend so I could give her a smile and I smiled a real smile at the judges.  They lined us up and started to give hand out placings.  I was fully expecting to hear my number first which means I would have received 4th or last place.  When they called Miss Ab’s (The pictures do NOT do her justice.) number I was really shocked.  Then they called my number for 3rd.  The girl in the green was 2nd.  The girl in the pink was first.  (She was totally adorable btw and very much deserved 1st.)

My friend and I decided we would leave early so I rush backstage eager to put on my new jeans.  I hike them up over my thighs and button them pleased as pie to be wearing a size smaller than before.  Then I squat down to pick something up off the floor and RIIIIIIIP.  No joke.  My new ego inflating jeans just deflated my ego like someone letting go of an unknotted balloon filled with air.  I don’t know wether to laugh or cry.  I decide to choose laughter because there is SO MUCH more to life than the size of the my jeans.  Besides who needs those stupid old Joe’s Jeans when I have The Braxtons.

So how do I really feel about my placing?  You know of course I would have enjoyed winning. Who doesn’t?  I was also a little relieved not be be last but I also sort of feel like I should have been.  I thought Miss Abs looked really great and could tell she had worked hard.  Had I been a judge I think I would have placed me last.  The thing is, it really doesn’t matter all that much to me.  It never has been about winning for me.  When I say I enjoy the preparation more than the show I mean it.  When I say do this to lose I mean it.  I didn’t reach 115 but 119 feels so much better than 126 to me.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I grow and learn from the preparation.   I didn’t give this contest preparation a 100% and that’s not good.  Not because of how I placed but because I ultimately believe in good work ethic, following through 100%, and doing what you say you will do.  Had I won it would have re-enforced my half-azz tendencies.  I’m going to hang my third place plaque in my garage right under my first place plaque NOT to remind me that 100% effort will get you a first but that a 100% effort is so much more satisfying than 90% regardless of the outcome.

So what’s next?  Well I was delighted to step on the scale this morning and see 119 so I should probably work on getting over the scale.  But I digress and I still want to reach my goal of 115.  Honestly, I’m not sure why.  It’s just the number I’ve had in my head as my “perfect” weight which is total crap because perfect is relative and happiness is certainly not found in the bathroom on my scale.   Regardless, I want to follow through and reach my goal even if it didn’t happen on my competition day.  My birthday is 2 months way so that gives me 8 full weeks to lose 4 pounds and buy a pair of  size 26 jeans for my present!!!  Totally doable and healthy.   Although I’m tempted, I’m not going to do any more shows for a while because I think I should practice managing my food and exercise better for my family, myself, and for God.  I want to face some of my struggles with food (binging) head on for no other reason than it’s the healthy thing to do.   I’ve been wanting to learn how to use kettlebells so I’m going to start incorporating those as well.  I’m going to finally buckle down and get my personal training certification instead of talking about it.  I’m going to focus more effort on my taekwondo because at my  last testing I got some good feedback from my instructor and one of the guest judges.  I think it might be more in line with my natural strengths (flexibility and speed) not to mention I’m more comfortable in my uniform than a bikini!

Last but not least, I’ve been working on some changes for this site.  I’m SO EXCITED and I hope that these new changes will encourage and inspire more women to “change the world by choosing health”.  (Yes, I dream big!)  So stayed tuned to be a part of the mission!!

Once again THANK YOU so much for the support (and making it to the end of this long post). I’m grateful for your readership and want you to know how much YOU inspire me.

XOXO
jenn

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The other day I walked to the grocery store and while searching for the spices through the mecca of transfats and sugar I ran into a huge chip display.  Seriously, I’m talking the Arc de Triumph of chips.  I stopped and stared for a moment at the 8th wonder of the modern world and then suddenly felt an inexplicable rage.  I squinted, inhaled, and  imagined sprinting full speed ahead ramming my cart thorough the blockade. Chips flying through the air like debris in an explosion.  The salt sprinkling down like snowflakes settling on the tiled floor.  Then I realized that after my moment of serving justice, I’d probably sit down and have a few bags of BBQ Lays  while I waited for the white jackets to come and haul me off to the looney bin.

And I thought I had worked through my anger issues…

Have a wonderful weekend.

Hugs and High Fives,
jenn

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11 weeks out at 125.  It’s the thighs once again.  Always the thighs. It’s so much fun being a mismatched Russian nesting doll. Humpf. 

I’ve been agonizing for days on wether or not to post this picture.  Okay, so I don’t think I look bad.  (However, I did cut my head out for a reason.)  But honestly it’s slightly embarrassing to not have maintained since my October pictures. But that’s life.  And I’m all about being real.  Which brings me to this thought. I know it may seem like I want people to look at my pictures. I do have them sprawled across the top of my blog. But that is NOT the case.  So please be nice.  :) Because frankly, it’s somewhat humiliating. I’d much rather have only nice photoshopped pictures of myself looking my best (and maybe a tan) instead of what I looked like a year ago.

But I  know I am motived by people who change their bodies through hard work and discipline not the genetically gifted (I’m not) or the photoshopped.  So there you are 11 weeks out from my competition and 9.5 pounds to go.  Americans just love before and after pictures.

xoxo
j

I just got back from the gym and planned to only do 20 minutes of  cardio but when I was done I was surprised that I wanted to lift.  Why? After 5 months of intense training I thought I may want to take some time off.  But I realized I love it. At least today I did. Some things are just that way and it’s hard to explain.  It’s similar to my love for acting. I know some people wonder why I just don’t give up.  I rarely get parts and it’s so hard to find the time to pursue anything with all the other life things.  I don’t give up because I can’t.  It will always be a part of my life in some small way because I love it for what it is.  I don’t care if I ever “make it”.  Sure it would be nice but I don’t do it with that goal in mind. I do it for the pure joy of make-believe, getting lost in the moment, the experience of connecting, and the thrill of creative discovery.  I workout for reasons other than results.  Had I ended up coming in last this weekend I realized I would still be at the gym this morning.  It is just an amazing feeling to push through another minute of running when I feel like I might collapse. Or to push out another rep when my muscles are shaking and I think I can’t.  It reminds me that I was created by and I am sustained by a Creator that is bigger and more powerful than anything I can imagine.  My workouts are a time for me to get lost in my thoughts and discover more about God and who He created me to be.  Sometimes I have meaningful discoveries other times I just simply enjoy being a person created in His image and the possibilities that come with that.

I did have a GREAT weekend. And it had everything to do with my friend and nothing or at least very little to do with the competition. We had so much fun on the drive down, admiring the hard work of the other competitors, hanging out at the hotel, waiting around at the competition, getting ready and, of course, eating afterwards. True friends are such a gift and I will do my best to never take those who are vulnerable enough to share who they really are with me and love me despite my flaws for granted.

The competition itself was interesting. The bodybuilders are amazing. I am so inspired by their hard work and discipline.  Since this was a drug-tested all natural show there weren’t any (in my opinion) grotesquely large Hulk-ish chaps and lasses. Instead, the bodybuilders were more like a pumped up versions of Michelangelo’s David wearing velvet Speedos or bikinis. It was very cool and beautiful in an odd sort of way.

People are asking me if I plan on continue to compete.  I’m undecided.  Truth be told I feel a bit silly walking across stage in a bikini.  Not to mention, there was A LOT of waiting around and a few rude girls.  One girl hissed, “Me first, I walk first.” at me on stage as we walked to the middle for line up.  I suppose it’s not much different than trying to get a nearby parking space on a rainy day aside from the fact I’m already feeling insecure wearing a bikini that would fit a child.   I’ve never been totally comfortable with my body.  In junior high I was the girl taking showers with my towel on so it was really hard for me to be backstage with lots of half naked women.  Most people there seemed so comfortable with their bodies.  I am not.  Years after junior high, I am still really nervous to change in front of other people.  I found myself going to the bathroom to change in the bathroom stalls.  At one point, I had to leave the dressing room because I couldn’t hold back my tears.  I grabbed my sunglasses and rushed out.  This is what happens a lot when I’m sleep deprived.  There was this one woman in particular who had these freakishly large botched breast implants.  Never in my life had I seen anything like it (and I’m not that sheltered).  It made me really sad.  I wondered what had made her do that and felt so sorry for her.  I was angry with our culture and the pressure it puts on women, so much so, that some women go out and mutilate their bodies such as she did in an attempt to reach some unnatural ideal. (Sigh)

I’m really thankful that I did this to LOSE because five months of preparation was a lot of work for 5 minutes on stage. At first I was a bit disappointed. I thought of of the hours I had spent in the gym and all the yummy food I had “deprived” myself. But then I also remembered something else I really believe (I think I blogged about it before) it’s the journey not the destination that really matters and this journey has been an incredible one. I have enjoyed, well maybe not always enjoyed, but have learned so much during this preparation.  I love the intensity of knowing I’m going to compete adds to my workouts. I learned some life lessons that I (hope) plan to let spill over into other areas of my life such as: consistency not perfection will get results. I messed up on plenty of meals and missed workouts but I stayed consistent and always got back on track.

Speaking of pictures. I forgot to announce the birth of The Abbey’s.  They were born at 5:30 am on November 15.  Unfortunetly they didn’t survive and 16 hours later were drowned in salt and cheese at Miguel’s Mexican Cantina.  But here a picture of their birth.  RIP dear ones.  Soon you will be resurrected.

Before I conclude this post, I want to thank my precious most wonderful best friend.  Brenton, I love you more than I could ever express in words. You make every cell of my body feel like it has it’s own beating heart.  I would have never been able to do this without your support and encouragement.  Your patience inspiring. Your encouragement bewildering.  Your love unwavering.  It is an honor to be your wife and best friend.  Thank you for believing in me and reminding me that it wasn’t in my best interest to eat half a jar of almond butter.  Also a big thanks to my parents for sitting through a 4 hour show to watch me for 5 minutes.  And to my in-laws for taking care of the boys this weekend.

To those of you who made it to the end of this looooong post and who have followed this journey.  THANK YOU!!!  All the emails and words of encouragement these past few months have meant so much to me.  I’m really excited to keep learning and sharing about all things health related.  I hope you continue to follow the blog as you strive to reach your own fitness goals.  I really feel like if I can do this ANYONE can!!!  Good luck!!  YOU CAN DO IT!!!

xoxo
j

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I won. Go figure. Now, I what am I going to write about? I had this, what I thought was going to be , really great post on losing ready to go. I need some time to think about it so instead I post a few pictures which are probably more fun than my silly “profundities”.  Tomorrow I’ll post more about the experience itself and some more pictures.

Getting ready.

Backstage

One piece round - my least favorite.

Post-comp dinner

xoxo
j

I’m down to the last day. I’m a little nervous but also excited to be done. I’m ready to eat something other than chicken and asparagus which is all I’ve had for the last few days.

For the past week and a half I’ve been working on my suits non-stop. Gluing over 2000 little 5mm rhinestones to velvet fabric. It’s been tedious but has given me a lot of time to think.

As I glued each little crystal to the fabric, I thought about how our lives, in a way, are similar. What?No, seriously, stay with me for a second.  Each rhinestone is like a day or moment in our lives. One rhinestone by itself doesn’t amount too much. Sure it’s pretty but all in all it’s just a simple little sparkling piece of crystal. But after hours of glueing I stepped back and looked at the design. The design finished in it’s entirety is so much more beautiful. I think that is how God sees our lives. Building a life one rhinestone at a time and when we get to the end all of them together create a beautiful whole. At least that what we hope. On my suit there are quite a few mistakes, too much glue here, a out of line one there.  But the thing is you don’t notice the ones that are a little crooked or messy, the larger picture overshadows them. In life, we will all make mistakes but hopefully our good choices will overshadow the bad choices to where you don’t even notice them, just like the few crooked little rhinestones.

I think this analogy can be used for our health and weight loss goals too. We will have bad days. We will have days where no matter how much we try we just can’t resist eating half a pizza or a pint of ice cream. There will be days no matter how much you try to talk yourself into it you will not be able to find the energy to get to the gym. It’s okay. Those days will be the crooked crystals but as long as you keeping going, keep gluing those rhinestones on the best you can, you will see something beautiful in the end.

It’s late and it’s been a long day with too little carbs! Maybe that explains my quirky little rhinestone analogy. Well gotta get some sleep for the big day tomorrow.

xoxo
j